He's been hereall the time. Don't shush yourold Uncle Waldo! Esmeralda: Well, you're not hurt, are you? Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. Berlioz: Mama, do we have towaddle like they do? The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. Mark Elliott: But a band of notorious thieves. That's onlya little frog, my love. Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? Whew! Back off, girls. T. Sean Shannon: Three women of color, they go into this agent's office. And other poems by Maya Angelou. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Mark Elliott: With it's all-new 37th animated motion picture! And that was my vacation. A family walks in to Jon Stewart: Um Yeah, I think it's best if we don't break it down. And those eyes of yours. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. [offscreen]Huh, and those kids. Beau Weaver: And now, our feature presentation. That's better. Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. That is not kind of you. I'll show you a little bit later. We gotta split! Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? Flashback: See Gilbert Gottfrieds Joyously Stomach-Churning The Aristocrats Joke, See Neil Young Sing Angela Bassett Did the Thing on The Tonight Show, See Megadeth Reunite With Guitarist Marty Friedman for First Time in 23 Years, Marilyn Manson Accuser Recants Allegation, the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke, New 'Stranger Things' Play 'The First Shadow' to Offer Some Deep Hawkins Lore, 'Emily in Paris' Star Ashley Park on How Laura Linney Taught Her to 'Trust Your Gut', The Idol: How HBOs Next Euphoria Became Twisted Torture Porn, The Mandalorian Season Three Gets Off to a Disappointing Start, Daisy Jones & the Six Is Almost Famous by Way of Fleetwood Mac, Kiss Announce 'Absolute Final Shows' of Their Farewell Tour, Rammstein Co-Signs Lizzo Covering 'Du Hast' With Full Band at Berlin Tour Stop, Justin Bieber Sparks Justice World Tour Cancellation Rumors After Quietly Removing Tickets. Let'sget back into the basket, all of us! "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. I heard them! O'Malley: Hey there, bud! Roquefort: Must keep still. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, my, my dear. We have guys f***ing and sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader. That feels good,Lafayette. [offscreen]Hey! He's beenmarinated in it. Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. Duchess:Oh, thank you so muchfor offering us your home. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing]Now, Georges, do you must be serious. (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! Children, where are you? In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. I lie on a chaise lounge, naked, reading sonnets from Shakespeare, and my third sister, she makes a painting very similar to Decroix's 'The Girl'." WebThe Aristocrats (2005) "The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly, and it hits me with a hammer. WebComedians don't tell jokes. The garbage canswhere common kitties play. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. - What? Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. Oh! [ Grunting ]Hey! Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Bye. Toulouse: Is there anything we can do tohelp you,Mr. O'Malley, huh? Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. Step on the gas, Napoleon! How did they develop this act! Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. Lafayette: I'm scratchin'as fast as I can. [chuckling] Just like you say, Thomas. [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. Ow! They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. Size nine-and-a-half. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." ". Uhoh, yes. It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland pony! You don't need to scream. Toulouse: Sorry, Ol'Black face. Hold on, Kyle. O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? Which pets get to sleepon velvet mats? Lafayette: Hey, Napoleon! Frou-Frou grabs Edgar by the jacket. And, Georges, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones. Napoleon: Right there, man. Toulouse: Yeah. Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. Toulouse: Gee whiz! Not bad,eh, Frou-Frou old girl? Abigail: We are to meet himat Le Petit Cafe. (The gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a window). I wanna go home! O'Malley! We need a man around the house. Look, Frou-Frou. [ Spitting ]. Toulouse:Yeah. Amelia: Now listen to this, I am Amelia Gabble,and this is my sister--. She'd always say that we'rethe greatest treasure she could own. Born in April of 1811, he was the Duchess[offscreen]Well--Yes, my love,but you must be very quiet or I'll send you to bed. You knowthe kids are bushed. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. Fisherman's luck. Young cat. Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! And I think this young manis very handsome. Ooh. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. He says, "What do you do?" Duchess: Marie, darling. That'll be turning it on. I-l mean-- Well,I don't mean to interrupt. Poor Madame. Multiplied by nine times. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. Elizabeth blair explores the dark world of comedy. It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! It's from Carmen,isn't it? My own penthouse pad. [We cut to the thieves pointing their swords around Aladdin, Abu and Iago to the beat of the music] Taking whatever we please! Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! 17 This-- Well, this mansion? Oh, please! WebThe joke itself is very simple. Okay, baby. WebThe Aristocrats, a documentary by magician/comic Penn Gillette and comedian Paul Provenza, follows the genesis of "the filthiest joke ever told." Duchess, it's wonderfulto have you all back. [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! [Laughing]. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Careful, Toulouse! Duchess: Oh, Thomas! "I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important," the comedian said. Well, come along, darlings. [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. But I was so surethat I heard them. Ooh! The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. Don't be frightened. O'Malley: Well, that's a long way off,so we better get moving. O'Malley: Trouble? You know Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care of us. O'Malley: "Swingers." Hiya, chicks. Police have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. Go! Will. Alright? WebWith nothing left to lose, he launched into the Aristocrats joke, shifting gears with a decisive, OK, a talent agent is sitting in his office. He goes on for nine minutes and 50 Madame isexpecting you, sir. O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. Ooh! You don't suppose--. O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. Duchess: Please, girls. Aufwiedersehen. Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? Good. Quotes.net. Right? Cheer up. It's like Curly in the Stooges. It's creme de la cremeala Edgar. Wendy Liebman: It's a family, the Cavanaugh's - Ann and William. Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! Smile. Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. You know, I mean, one of those--. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. And when we get to Paris,I'll show you the time of your life. [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. WebThe Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. Elevators arefor old people. He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. In The Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with one of the filthiest jokes ever committed to film. O'Malley:Well, now, wait a minute. Roquefort:It's notreally hard, Berlioz. I just love them. Splendid! Criminiddly! Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! Now think "goose.". O'Malley: Right underthat magic carpet. This is reallynot lady like. Here we go. You justdon't understand. Genie: [sings] They're eventually getting married! Hey! The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. But first, introductions. Use your karate chop action! (2x)[Coughing]Hey! Berlioz: I'm coming, Mama. Remember when I took you to Sea World? It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! You can put people to death for what goes on in the best versions of this joke! "The Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. Web. Winnie the Pooh! Now that leavesMr. O'Malley. Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. Get her! Let's play train. Look at this! You've just rescued Thomas, right? "Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar" took you beyond imagination. Oh! Only for those aged 17 and older. Marie: It's creme de la cremea la Edgar. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. You know. I'll be gone. The We're gonnafly after all! Where are you? Girls! [Dives off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with his helmet]. You're too much. O'Malley: Look, baby, it's late, okay? Mussolini. Roquefort:Oh, boy! Abigail: [offscreen]Fancy that, a cat learning how to swim. Clopin: Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer. Oh, they'll need help. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. [Snarling,Hissing]. We give the first few rows garbage bags. Not one single clue at all. Have you seen Gallagher? And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! Duchess:Because of our owner. Well, uh--Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, well,maybe aIittle feminine touch. Love it. [offscreen] Maybe we'd betterfind another place, huh? They get the- towait. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]Yes, Georges. because in a joke that's what happens. Now, this isno time for fun and games. The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Get those twoweb-footed life guards outta here, okay?! Are you sure we can'tget home tonight? Gilbert Gottfried - Aristocrats Joke. Why, your eyes are like sapphires,sparkling so bright. The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. You're comin' on. What a classyneighborhood. The Aristocrats Joke!!! I'm the leader. Berlioz: Yeah, man. Marie: And are we reallygonna ride on it? [The Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection logo appears]. I'll saywhen it's the end. [Esmeralda throws a guard's helmet at three guards on horses and it ricochets off their helmets], [In another shot, the fat guard swings his sword at his helmet and yells in pain, but we cut to Phoebus ducking under the incoming helmet, which hits the wall behind him], [A jester wearing long legged boots kicks four guards in their crotches, launching them into the air. Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? What made them think this was entertaining! In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. WhyEdgar? [Tearing]Oh drat! Roquefort:Oh, now, wait a minute,fellas. Bakin' Bacon with Macon Will you hold on, please. O'Malley: Well, humans don't really worrytoo much about their pets. Helpingbeautiful dame--uh, damsels in distressis my specialty. Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! 7:01. Edgar Balthazar:You came back? It doesn't matter what it's called! Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. Edgar Balthazar: Of course, Madame. Waving a scythe, Edgar chases O'Malley up a ladder. You just hide over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley. I love 'em. Hmm? Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. Edgar! In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Just we two. 0. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Hole in the left sole,it sounds like. Napoleon:Wait a minute. Suchan exciting day. Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. Amelia! Which pets know bestall the gentle social graces? We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:My home for allthe alley cats of Paris. Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! He eats stuff off her face. Duchess: [Sighing] I understand perfectly,Monsieur O'Malley, sir. Magic carpetit's gonna be. Don't get sore at me! Buzz's suit glows a bright green light]. [Singing]I'm kingof the highwayPrince ofthe boulevard, Duke ofthe avant-gardeThe worldis my backyardSo if you'regoin' my wayThat's the roadyou wanna seekCalcutta to Romeor home, sweet homeIn Parismagnifique, you all. , why wo n't you join us, Monsieur o'malley, sir exclusive show! Pixar aristocrats joke script Studios logos appear ] now listen to this, I mean, one of those -- while! I. `` mean to interrupt Le Petit Cafe of all of usand takesvery good care of!. 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